By Yemisi Akinmameji
In every human relationship, communication is very important. It could either make or mar such relationship whether it be mere friendship or romantic relationship.
Where there is no adequate communication between the parties involved in a relationship, either party tends to make a lot of assumptions which may be right or wrong.
Making assumptions rather than talk things out may not be the right options. Sometimes, it leads to distrust and love lost when it is not quickly handled.
Where there are two people who claim to be friends, it would be awkward for one to be too secretive while the other keeps every single information to him/herself.
Accepted that no two people are the same, it is possible for some to want to give an excuse for not communicating well. Those people might be categorised as conservatives.
There is no harm in being a conservative but such a person must be able to convince their friends that they are not just playing on their intelligence. Quick to pick from someone while all information about you remain secret.
If this persists, there is the possibility of the other person feeling cheated. As time goes on, they too might decide to adopt your strategy and activate their silent mode. Before you know it, there would be communication break down and that could pose a threat to or even bring and end to such friendships.
Much as communication in friendship should be mutual, the reason some people decide to listen more rather than speak is explainable.
Like I already said, no two people are exactly the same and of course, our level of information retention differs. If your friend is such that would make sure that the whole world gain access to the outcome of your conversation, then you might want to tow the conservative path.
If they get angry because of the realisation that you only give out edited information, well, you might allow them to walk away if it gets to that.
If that happens, you might not have so much loses knowing full well that the talkative has been done away with. However, it is not safe to just wish people away because of their shortcomings.
Permit me to render a transliteration of the maxim: “a bad child has his own day”. If you keep wishing friends away because of the way they talk or don’t talk, you might later realise that you’re all by yourself sooner or later.
So, what to do is to take your time to understand the kind of person your friend really is. That is where human management comes in. If he/she is an incurable talkative and you think you can conveniently do without her, then fine.
If, however, he/she is very dear, then it also behoves on you to talk about the friendship. Things both of you like and don’t like. That is where communication comes in. Once you agree on the modules, then your friendship could always get better and stronger.
No matter the situation, communication in friendship should not be one sided. It brings about a feeling of insecurity and dishonesty.
Beyond friendship, the same rules apply to love affairs- dating or courtship. Breakdown of communication could spell doom for such a relationship and also, persons in a relationship who feel cheated or holds the belief that their partners are withholding too much of information from them could walk away.
In a marital relationship, like the other forms of relationship, communication is also very important. However, it is more technical under this circumstance.
Technical in the sense that while it is somewhat easy to call it quit in a friendship or courtship, that would not be a very wise decision to make in a marriage.
You don’t just go to court and file for divorce simply because your spouse and you are not on good talking terms. You could be mocked for taking such decisions.
It is important that you make your marriage work and to achieve this, you two must talk to each other as regularly as possible.
There should be no such thing as conservatism in a marriage. Thank goodness for those years of dating and courtship. That should have provided the platform to understand your spouse a little bit.
If he/she is reserved, you should know what codes to press to activate the speaker in him/her. You just have to talk to each other. It strengthens the marriage.
Where there is breakdown of communication in the home, that could be a pointer to greater problems and by the time both of you keep making series of assumptions, distrust could set in. If this is allowed to degenerate further, it could break the home.
Before it gets to this almost irredeemable level, each partner must try, much as it would take, to find out why his/her partner has suddenly become a recluse.
A stitch in time saves nine, so the saying goes. Talk about it immediately. Let him/her tell you what’s responsible for the sudden change of attitude. Don’t be like one of my friends who would always make a case for a changed attitude. She is quick to conclude that ‘One cannot be happy everyday. So, if you decide not to talk to anyone, so be it. It is possibly one of your bad days’.
Bad days, yes. But as a husband or wife, you have to find out what’s responsible for the bad days. If they are not willing to talk about it immediately, don’t leave them to themselves and allow them go into depression. Seek opportunity to talk then out of the bad days as quickly as you can. That is why it is marriage not mere friendship. You are very responsible and liable to your husband as a wife. Ditto for the man.
Again, communication in a marital relationship is technical because you have to be careful not to hurt the feelings of your spouse. Well, this is also necessary in other forms of relationships.
In a marriage, the wife should be as respectful as possible when interacting with her husband. Similarly, the man must respect himself so well while relating with his wife. He is not your maid but wife.
Your wife wants to respect you, Mr Man. But if the best way you think you can reciprocate that is by treating her like shit, well I am sorry. You might just have successfully lost your self respect.
In summary, communication is very necessary to make our relationships thrive and we must also know that as individuals (friends, lovers and couple), we all have self esteem which should not be hurt by our partners.