By Yemisi Akinmameji
Away from love, life and kitchen watch today, FeminineLine attempts to delve into another aspect of human relationship today, the philia relationship. A good understanding of this would aid human relationship in the home, work place and the society at large.
Whenever the opportunity avails itself, I have always argued that no human rule is absolute. No matter how generalistic an approach may be, its application would still be very largely subjective to individual differences.
For example, it is common to make assumptions such as women are usually weak while men are generally courageous, strong and bold. Much as this is plausible, cases of exemption about. Little wonder we have expressions like ‘she is a man’.
When an assumption like this is made, such a woman must have dared to be different. She must have done some exploits associable, mostly, with the male gender.
Similarly, we have had people make utterances like ‘he is a woman’. When a man is described as a woman, such must have exhibited attributes such as cowardice, complacency and a great magnitude of indifference.
On a more direct note, it is also commonplace to attribute a number of (mis)behaviours to the female gender. These include jealousy, envy, backbiting, talkativeness and backstabbing.
In fact, loquaciousness has almost become a synonym for womanhood. Women are believed to be able to talk, talk and talk away their destinies.
On many occasions, when a man talks so much, people tend to caution such a man by saying ‘why are you talking or behaving like a woman?’
Again, when issues of backbiting and jealousy are mentioned, people think it should be women issues but when such isfound amongst men, it causes a lot of worry, but not too much worry especially because of my opening statement that for every rule there is an exemption.
Men are expected to be heads in the society. They are expected to engage in productive ventures. Thisis the only way they can suit their positions as the head and earn much respect from all.
This piece is not, in any way, an attempt to encourage women to lose their sense of decorum. NO! Things that are good are good while things that are bad are bad. We should imbibe the good attitudes and jettison the bad ones.
Men and women also need to understand the dynamics of relationships. We do not earn anything by destroying the other person. The world should be a better place but that could only be achievable when we all understand the rules of relationship and we all abide by it.
Furthermore, much as things like this cannot be ruled out of the society (men behaving like men and women exhibiting masculine tendencies), a man/woman must decide what he wants. He and of course, she must dare to be different. As creatures of God, we have our destinies in our hands.
God can only help us to the extent that we are willing to allow Him and divine help can only come when man has exhausted his human capabilities. Heaven helps those who help themselves, so the saying goes. We cannot fold our arms and allow things to fall in place. Remember, the rain of manna ceased long before the children of Israel left the wilderness.
Also, we do not sow wheat and expect to reap yam. A man reaps what he sows, but in a larger quantity. Anyone who makes it a business to destroy others through their actions and inactions should live in the consciousness that their very destruction looms. Unfortunately, it might come when and where they least expected it.