By Yemisi Akinmameji
For any woman, getting married is the thing. It just must happen whether it is the right union or otherwise. So many ladies are so desperate to be married that they overlook deep issues that should be given the required attention.
Who would blame this women anyway? The society expects that a woman should be married at a particular age. How she achieves that is of no concern to them. And what she goes through in that union is most times her personal problems.
This was an issue I had to ponder about some time ago and I had to ask an elderly woman who has been married for years. I asked her why it is that people do not emphasise the need for a woman to sruitinise the kind of man they plan to live with for the rest of her life and be sure that they actually jell together. Afterall, birds of a feather flock together.
I also asked her why it is that the pressure to get married is usually on the woman alone while the man is allowed to take his time for as long as possible. The revelations I got were quite interesting. I was made to understand that it could take eternity to really understudy a man.
So, the issue of having to take one’s time to be convinced about who a man is may be of less importance. Again, my informant told me that the essence of the popular saying that a woman’s matrimonial home is a training ground would not have been appropriate. Her argument is that the wife has to continue to learn and learn for as long as the union lasts which should be till death do them part.
Be that as it may, ladies also tend to rush into marriage because of our physiological make-up. There is this saying that women are like flowers. This means that the period of her boom is usually short-lived by natural and physiological circumstances.
Hence, in order not to outgrow her reproductive age, a woman tends to jump at any offer that comes her way especially when she thinks age is no longer on her side. This reminds me of what a doctor friend once toldabout the womb becoming vulnerable when it is allowed to lie fallow for longer than necessary.
A lot of ladies also rush into marriage for religious reasons. Their argument is that the Holy Book admonishes that we should multiply and replenish the surface of the earth. Hence, what is important to them is that injunction and little attention is given to how that comes to be.
One thing that cannot be pushed aside is the need for a man and woman to genuinely love one another before they are joined with each other. Love is important and that is a statement of fact. The issue of reproduction is very important but can always come when the union is established.
As much as ladies have roles to play in ensuring that they settle down on time, men too are important in the equation. They should not be told to get married before they do that. A man who has to be reminded over and over again about the need to settle down may actually be unserious.
A man who knows what he wants to do with his life shouldn’t be told to things before he knows what to do. In many cases, it turns out that the man who is pressurized into getting married ends up not knowing how to run his family.
It is often said that one can take a horse to the river but cannot force the horse to drink. This is exactly the situation with a man who is lured into getting married. You can only force a man into getting married to you if you appear so desperate. What happens thereafter is a matter of luck.
And sometimes too, a woman might try endlessly to get a man committed to her. Men are experts at playing pranks. If they would not do a thing, no amount of pressure could make them change their minds especially when it has to do with the issue of marriage.
So, if as a woman, you pressurize a guy and the affair eventually leads to a relationship, you are just lucky or probably your guy was already contemplating settling down. If not, you might just be as good as someone who is not into any relationship.
Again, it is very important that the man is ready for marriage because no matter how good a lady is and regardless of how well she has mastered the art of being a good wife, a relationship that would not work would not just work.
A lady who claims to be dating a forty year old who is still being persuaded about getting married should have a re-think. She has to find out, as a matter of necessity, why her man has remained a bachelor at 40 or above.
Similarly, a forty year old man who is single and remains tied to the apron string of his mother might not be a good candidate for marriage. A lady who is involved with this kind of a person should definitely not be someone who is overdue for marriage.
Therefore, it is important that a man should be emotionally and psychologically prepared for marriage before he goes into such. Or else, all the efforts of the woman would not be appreciated and this could be frustrating.
However, what is applicable to the man when it comes to getting married is as well applicable to the woman. A man who spends the whole of his time on a lady who does not even know what exactly she intends to do is engaged in an effort in futility.
Similarly, a woman who is ready to bend every important rule just for the sake of settling down might just be wasting her time if the guy is not ready for marriage. Hence, both parties have roles to play in a marriage agreement without a party trying to exploit the weaknesses of the other.